happ-I-ness

WOW! I cannot believe the attention and feedback that I’ve received from the last couple of posts about arguments. I cannot begin to thank you enough for taking time out of your busy lives and first, reading – then responding to my thoughts. Knowing that there is at least a few of you out there who took something away from my ideas, makes me happy.

And that is the topic of this week’s post – happiness. I remember having a discussion with a very dear friend several years ago on the subject of happiness. At the time, she wasn’t happy with her husband. She became unhappy with me when I told her that her happiness wasn’t his responsibility and that she had to own what was hers.

That DID NOT go over well. As I said, this conversation took place years ago and my ears are still ringing.

I am older and have considerably more life experience now. My views on that topic are not what they once were. What really prompted me to write about happiness this week is another post I read a few days ago by, what appeared to be, a teenager. To summarize, his thoughts were this:

-True happiness doesn’t exist because it can only be obtained by taking something away from someone else.

-Anyone who pursues happiness is a fool.

-There is limited happiness in the world and it gets passed around from person to person, based on one’s actions.

REALLY!?!?

In my post about arguments, I explained why people really argue – because of the differences in core beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. In the following post, I explained that we only had 50% control in any situation that involved another human being.

Both of those theories work for happiness too. I have come to realize how much a person risks when they dedicate themselves to a committed relationship. We do allow another person’s actions and words to have power over us and affect our level of happiness.

Why?

Because we love ourselves. Own what is yours and let the rest go. Let me explain this a different way. When I plan an extravagant date for Tina, I’m doing it just as much for myself as I am for her. Yes, I want to make her happy. Making her happy makes me happy. So really, I’m making the effort to make myself happy.

What I failed to consider when I had that conversation years ago was that by trying to make myself happy, I am giving up some of my control and making that happiness dependent upon Tina’s reaction. So…to the friend with whom I had that discussion years ago – I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’ve realized that at least part of our happiness is dependent upon another person. We always have control over how we react to the control that we relinquish. We may not be able to control our emotions. We can control how we react to those emotions. If you love someone, tell them. Show them. Never stop doing whatever you can to show that you appreciate the vulnerability they display by trying to give themselves happiness through you.

In the spirit of the pursuit of happiness, I have to share some exciting news before I close. Always Opening Doors has teamed up with Designing Love, Inc for a new reality series about the struggles of relationships. We are shooting the first episode in Pittsburgh at the end of April. If you, or anyone you know is married and would be interested in being on the show, please contact me by clicking here.

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8 thoughts on “happ-I-ness

  1. I have enjoyed reading this post. Very dimensional, and quite exact to the truth. If you don’t mind. . I am now following you : )

    -M

  2. rheath40 says:

    What a great post. What you say is so true. I’ve been married for almost 23 years and this last year has been quite a struggle. Not so much for my dear husband but for me. I’ve been through an incredible change in my life and so has my husband. I thought I wanted to leave him and be with my best male friend. Fortunately my friend didn’t return the same feelings. While he loves me, he doesn’t love, love me. With that declaration I had to come to terms with the fact that my husband loves me with every fiber of his being. He loves me the way I should be loved and his only concern is my happiness. How could I not love him for that? So I went to therapy, started writing my blog, and rekindled my passion for life. Doing so made me fall in love with my darling husband all over again. And he found his passion again too….

  3. That is so inspiring. Wow, 23 years! It isn’t always easy, but those who manage to come back and fight to find the passion they once had for one another always find that it’s a worthwhile journey. Thank you for posting!

  4. Ayumi says:

    hey your blog design is very nice, clean and fresh and with updated content, make people feel peace and I always like browsing your site.
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  5. petrified07 says:

    This is just another pure amazement! Most people would usually ask “what makes you happy?” and series of material possessions would come in. I think the better question is “who makes you happy” because happiness is best achieved when shared with the people we love. It is nice to know that in this busy world, there are still people like you who would take extra mile to make their love ones feel special. More power to you!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Part of our happiness is dependent on someone…..TRUE but most of us dont know that i guess…..people get happy when they see there loved ones happy but the dont realize this….another great post….

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